one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
