Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
