I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
