Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
