Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
