its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Damn victory sex feels great
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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