I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
