I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
this is an emotional support booty call
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Ladies don't puke and tell
did i just pee glitter
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
