i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
