Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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