Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
