East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
