We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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