I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Say something about gay babies.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
