Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
