I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize