hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
