Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
