i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
