Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
