Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
