If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize