you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
