your parents love me but you hate me
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
