Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
