i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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