Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
