I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
