Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
