I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
