Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
