if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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