take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
