I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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