This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
