I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
