woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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