Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
