I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
one might say we're banned from that church
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
