shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
