Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
