How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
