I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize