Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
