i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
