New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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