I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
