Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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