Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
