if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
