I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
