If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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