Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
