Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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