you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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