You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
