I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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