dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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