I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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