This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
