How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
