First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
