Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
