She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
