if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
