Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Randomize
