I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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