Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
