I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
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