She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Farmville is her only friend.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
