im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
