I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My vagina just recognized that song.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
