She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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