I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
