I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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