Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
