I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
