I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
