that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
