Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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