best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
