Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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