when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
