The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
