: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just got carded by a ten year old.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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