she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Damn victory sex feels great
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
